Built to Last–God's Plan for a Thriving Marriage
Teaching Notes
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:21-33
Built to Last: God's Design for a Thriving Marriage
Marriage is a journey of two imperfect people learning to love one another for the rest of their lives. While there's no such thing as a perfect marriage, God has laid out a plan for marriage that can lead to two people flourishing and loving each other more than ever. No matter what chapter you're currently in, there's always a new chapter waiting to be written.
A Christ-centered marriage is built on the foundation of two people taking personal responsibility and ownership for their own faults to better love and serve their spouse. Let's explore God's design for a thriving marriage as revealed in Ephesians 5:21-33.
What Are the Biggest Enemies of Marriage?
While there are many threats to marriage, including spiritual attacks and our own brokenness, one of the primary enemies is selfishness. Our natural tendency is to prioritize our own needs, wants, and desires above those of our spouse. This selfishness creates conflict and distance in our relationships.
Marriage never fixes our problems—it exposes them. When two people commit their lives to one another, all their issues and selfishness rise to the surface. This is why we need the gospel, the Holy Spirit's help, supportive friends, and often professional counseling to navigate these challenges.
What Does Mutual Submission Look Like in Marriage?
Ephesians 5:21 sets the foundation for the entire passage on marriage: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." This mutual submission is the answer to selfishness in marriage.
The word "submit" comes from a military term meaning to place yourself under the mission of another. In marriage, both husband and wife are called to place themselves under each other's mission. And what is that mission? To love and serve one another sacrificially.
This creates what might be called an "unconventional competition" between husband and wife—a competition to see who can serve more, who can love more, who can go lower for the sake of the other. It's completely counter-cultural, but it's God's design for a thriving marriage.
What Does It Mean for the Husband to Be the "Head" of the Wife?
One of the most misunderstood and misused concepts in Scripture is the idea that "the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church" (Ephesians 5:23).
Headship is not about dominance or control—it's about responsibility. Think about what the head does for the body: it ensures the body is provided for, cared for, protected, and flourishing. The head's job is to make sure the rest of the body is functioning properly.
Similarly, the husband's role as head of the home is not a privilege but a responsibility. It's not selfish but selfless. It's not about mastery but humility. The husband is called to be the chief servant of the family, making sure his wife and children are cared for and flourishing.
What Does Biblical Headship Look Like in Practice?
We can see this concept illustrated in the very first marriage. In Genesis 3, when Eve was being deceived by the serpent, Adam was with her but remained passive. Instead of protecting his wife as he was called to do, he stood by silently. This is why, throughout Scripture, this event is referred to as "the sin of Adam," not Eve.
A husband who embraces biblical headship uses his strength not to dominate but to serve. He protects, provides, and prioritizes the well-being of his family above his own desires. He follows Christ's example, who "loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25).
How Does Our Culture Define Manhood vs. God's Definition?
Our culture often defines a "real man" as someone who is financially successful, confident, strong, bold, an alpha male who never shows weakness, and is high-performing in all areas of life.
But God calls men not just to be "real men" but to be good men. A good man channels his strength for the benefit of others, particularly his wife and children. He is humble, has integrity, and provides spiritual leadership. He is faithful, kind, generous, stands up for the weak, and is self-controlled.
While it's not hard to find a "real man" by cultural standards, it's much rarer to find a truly good man by God's standards. Yet when you meet one, you know it—there's something different about him.
What Is the Ultimate Goal of Marriage?
The ultimate goal of marriage is oneness. Ephesians 5:31 says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This oneness goes beyond physical intimacy to encompass unity in all areas of life.
To achieve this oneness, we must make our marriage the top priority relationship in our lives. Every other relationship, even with our children, takes a back seat. In fact, the greatest gift you can give your children is a healthy marriage.
A healthy marriage is incredibly powerful—it has the ability to direct and influence the course of the rest of our lives. When your marriage is strong, you can face the world's challenges from a position of strength, knowing that your most important relationship is secure.
Why Is Marriage Called a "Mystery" in Ephesians 5?
Paul calls marriage a "profound mystery" that refers to Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32). This was revolutionary in the ancient world, where household codes typically only instructed women and children on proper behavior, never presuming to tell men how to behave.
But Paul addresses men directly, calling them to sacrificial love that mirrors Christ's love for the church. When husbands and wives love each other this way, their marriage becomes a living testimony to the gospel—showing the world how Jesus laid down His life for us.
Life Application
This week, I challenge you to take personal responsibility for your role in your marriage. Instead of focusing on what your spouse needs to change, ask yourself: "How am I being selfish? In what ways am I prioritizing my needs above my spouse's?"
For husbands specifically, take one small step toward spiritual leadership in your home. It could be as simple as praying with your wife before bed, reading Scripture together, or taking the initiative to get your family to church.
For wives, consider how you can honor and respect your husband in a way that encourages his growth as a leader.
For everyone, married or single, reflect on these questions:
In what relationships am I putting my needs above others?
How can I practice sacrificial love this week?
What would it look like for me to "go lower" and serve someone else?
How does Christ's example of sacrificial love challenge me to love differently?
Remember, we can't do any of this in our own strength. We need the Holy Spirit's help to overcome our selfishness and love others as Christ loved us. But as we take these steps of faith, God will transform not only our marriages but also our witness to the world.
Setlist
WFC Lenexa + WFC Anywhere
Joy- Maverick City
Firm Foundation- Cody Carnes
We Crown You- Jeremy Riddle
WFC Speedway
I Thank God- Maverick City
Gratitude- Brandon Lake
Abide- The Worship Initiative
Be sure to save our Spotify Worship Playlist, updated weekly with the upcoming Sunday’s set!
